썸 (sseom): Not a Couple Yet, but That Fluttery In-Between — Today's Korean Expression

Watch enough Korean dramas and you’ll keep hitting the same ambiguous scene: two people who clearly like each other, and yet nobody ever actually says “우리 사귀는 거야? (uri sagwineun geoya?)” — “Are we dating?” The looks pass back and forth, they text every single day, they go out for meals together — but the confession “우리 사귀자 (uri sagwija)”, “let’s date,” still hasn’t happened. Koreans have a name for exactly this stage, and it’s just one syllable long: 썸 (sseom). Today we’re digging deep into the most quintessentially Korean dating word there is — one every Hallyu fan around the world needs to know.

썸 (sseom)

썸 (sseom) comes from the English word “something” (썸씽, sseomssing). It’s a coinage made by lopping off just the front of that word, borrowed from the nuance of “우리 사이에 뭔가 있어 (uri saie mwonga isseo)” — “There is something between us.” So 썸 refers to that subtle relationship where two people aren’t an official couple yet, but feel drawn to each other and spend time together as closely as a couple would.

The most important part is that word yet. The flutter right before you start dating, the nervousness of not being sure how the other person feels — that whole emotional stretch is 썸. And in Korean, being in this kind of relationship is described as 썸을 타다 (sseom-eul tada). 타다 (tada) originally means to get on or ride something, as in 버스를 타다 (beoseu-reul tada), “to take a bus,” but it has stretched to mean letting yourself ride along with a current or a mood.

Checking the National Institute of Korean Language dictionary

The Basic Korean Dictionary, published by the National Institute of Korean Language (a government body), defines 썸 like this:

썸 (sseom) (noun): A relationship in which two people are not dating yet but stay as close to each other as a couple. [English] A relationship that is not yet dating but is close to each other like a couple. [Spanish] Relación cercana como novios aunque todavía no salen. [Chinese] 还不是交往，却像恋人一样亲密无间的关系。 — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

For reference, the dictionary carries no Portuguese translation, so here is our own rendering for learners (our translation): Relação em que duas pessoas ainda não namoram, mas são próximas como um casal.

Let’s also look at the real usage examples the dictionary provides.

나 요즘 썸을 타는 사람이 있는데 너무 마음에 들어. (na yojeum sseom-eul taneun sarami inneunde neomu maeume deureo — “There’s someone I’ve got a 썸 going with these days, and I really like them.”) 그는 썸 이상의 관계로 나아가지 못해서 연애를 해 본 적이 없다. (geuneun sseom isang-ui gwangyero naagaji motaeseo yeonaereul hae bon jeogi eopda — “He has never been in a relationship, because he can never move past the 썸 stage.”) 지수와 민준이는 썸을 타는 사이다. (jisuwa minjunineun sseom-eul taneun saida — “Ji-su and Min-jun have a 썸 going on.”) 썸을 타다. (sseom-eul tada — “to have a 썸 going.”) — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

The first sentence, “나 요즘 썸을 타는 사람이 있는데 너무 마음에 들어”, is the classic situation of spilling your fluttery feelings to a friend. The second describes someone who can’t cross over from 썸 into real dating, showing that 썸 sits at the step immediately before a relationship. The third, “지수와 민준이는 썸을 타는 사이다”, is the tone of a third party observing and describing two people’s relationship. Taken together, the dictionary makes it clear that 썸 is the stage right before dating.

Three example sentences by situation

① Confiding in a friend

요즘 회사 동료랑 썸 타는 것 같은데 (sseom taneun geot gateunde), 이게 나 혼자만의 착각일까 봐 무서워.

This expresses the anxiety of being together every day but still having no certainty. (“I think I’ve got a 썸 going with a coworker lately, but I’m scared it’s all in my head.”)

② When the relationship is undefined

우리 지금 사귀는 것도 아니고 안 사귀는 것도 아니고, 딱 썸 (sseom) 단계야.

A sentence that pins down precisely the situation where you can’t put a name on the relationship. (“We’re not dating and we’re not not dating — we’re right at the 썸 stage.”)

③ When it fizzles out

그 사람이랑 썸만 타다 끝났어 (sseom-man tada kkeutnasseo).

This captures the disappointment of something that never grew into a real relationship and ended while still undefined. (“Things with them never got past 썸, and then it was over.”)

Seeing it in a real conversation

Setting: the treadmills at a neighborhood gym. Jun-kyung slowed his machine down a while ago and has been staring at his phone ever since.

Jun-kyung: (폰 확인) …아직이네. (checking his phone) …Still nothing.

Emily: 야, 너 십 분째 걷기만 하잖아. 폰을 왜 그렇게 봐? Hey, you’ve been just walking for ten minutes straight. Why do you keep staring at your phone?

Jun-kyung: 어? 아니 그냥… 답장 기다리는 중. Huh? Oh, nothing… just waiting on a text back.

Emily: 답장? 아 — 저번에 말한 그 사람? 너네 그래서 사귀는 거야, 마는 거야? A text? Oh—that person you mentioned before? So are you two dating or not?

Jun-kyung: 그러니까 그게 애매하다니까. 사귀는 것도 아니고 안 사귀는 것도 아니고, 딱 썸 단계야. That’s exactly what’s so murky. Not dating, not not dating—right at the sseom stage.

Emily: 근데 얼마나 됐어? 그렇게 썸만 타다 끝나는 사람들 진짜 많아. How long’s it been, though? So many people just coast in sseom and then it fizzles out.

Jun-kyung: …야, 그 말 좀 무섭다. 나 속도 올릴게. …Hey, that’s kind of terrifying. I’m turning my speed up.

썸 is a casual coinage used mainly in 반말 (banmal, casual speech) between friends.

Casual: 너 걔랑 썸 타? (neo gyaerang sseom ta?) — a shortened way of saying 너 그 사람이랑 썸 타는 거야? (neo geu saramirang sseom taneun geoya?), “Do you have a 썸 going with them?”
Polite: 혹시 두 분 썸 타시는 거예요? (hoksi du bun sseom tasineun geo-yeyo?) — “Do you two happen to have a 썸 going?”

A related expression is 밀당 (mildang). It’s short for 밀고 당기기 (milgo danggigi), “pushing and pulling,” and it means the technique of managing feelings by moving in close and then pulling back. An easy way to keep them straight: 썸 is the state of the relationship, while 밀당 is the behavior that goes on inside it. And the person you have a 썸 with is called 썸남 (sseomnam) — from 썸 타는 남자 (sseom taneun namja), “the guy you have a 썸 with” — or 썸녀 (sseomnyeo), from 썸 타는 여자 (sseom taneun yeoja), “the girl you have a 썸 with.”

Cultural background: why does Korea have 썸?

In Korean dating culture, the official confession of “사귀자 (sagwija)”, “let’s date,” is an important dividing line. That created a need for a word to name the fluttery gray zone before that confession — and in the 2010s, 썸 spread explosively. Today it’s a fully established coinage that has even made it into the dictionary.

In dramas, two leads at this stage will grin all night over one trivial message and spend an entire day agonizing over a single remark. One beloved work that captured this particular 썸 tension especially well is the romance drama 《연애의 발견》 (Yeonae-ui Balgyeon, “Discovery of Love,” KBS2, 2014). That tremor of feeling right before dating, still without a name — that universal flutter is exactly why viewers all over the world fall for K-dramas.

Today’s quiz

What do Koreans call that undefined relationship where two people obviously like each other and text every day, but nobody has said “우리 사귀자” yet? And which verb goes after 썸 to describe being in that relationship?

(Answers: the relationship is 썸 (sseom), and the verb is 타다 (tada) — put them together and you get “썸을 타다”!)

Definitions and example sentences are from the National Institute of Korean Language’s Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr); that portion of this post, including our translations, is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 KR.